again something i have no tolerance for

yesterday it was about 36 degrees celsius outside (96.8 farenheit). it was extremely hot, uncomfortable even. you know what else happened yesterday.. a dog died. A chocolate lab was left in a car for approximately two hours as its owners shopped at a toronto mall. witnesses state the window way barely open and the car was parked in complete sun.. not even the slightest evidence the owners tried to find a patch of shade. mall security was informed, 911 was called, firefighters tried to feed the dog water through the small openings in the window. the new story brought tears to my eyes..

i can't believe the thought of leaving a dog in the car even crosses peoples minds. i have never in my life left my dog in a car and i've never thought of doing so. and to shop for 2 hours while its blistering hot outside and leave the helpless dog to heavily pant as he/she tries to cool off the slightest amount until he can no longer take it.. it breaks my heart.

i dont even know if the fact that this couple had spent their morning with their dog at woofstock better or worse. really.. how can someone be that stupid. dogs are entirely helpless in those situations.. what did they expect the dog to do..? turn the air on when it got too hot!?

just thinking..

have you ever thought about how and when the word deserve is used. we always deserve the good when it happens right..? but we ourselves rarely deserve the bad. the word applies to us or it does not apply based on context. i think i deserve things all the time. i deserve to fall in love and marry a good man. i deserve a good job.. i've worked hard and have completed years and years of school! i deserve this chocolate bar. i deserve to be treated with respect. i deserve! i deserve! i deserve. when bad things happen however, did we deserve these? does anyone deserve to fail a final exam? does anyone deserve to succumb to blindness at the age of 13? does anyone deserve to be abandon or feel unloved? NO! no no and no! why do we deserve the good but not the bad? i dont think we do. i dont think things that we want or things that we dread/fear are deserved by anybody.
i've learned this. i've learned this through conversations with many different people. deserve is one of those words that you cant just use without thought. i've learned to not tell others that i deserve anything if it is just something i want. i want to get married.. but in no way do i deserve to get married over any body else. 
those are my thoughts today

awkward and awesome

awkward:
- showing up for hot yoga and not bringing a yoga mat or towel. we signed up, got a stamp and then left..
- when the strap on my work out top un snaps during a yoga class (that we actually brought our mats to) and the yoga instructor calls me out in front of the entire class to ask if im having any troubles.
- when my hair tangles so much that there is a large matt in it that i can't even hide
- butt dialing someone and leaving a 20 minute message on their machine
- getting a tan on one side of your body (ie.. the right side from sitting in the passenger seat)
- answering your phone and the person on the other line just starts talking and you keep responding until you realize you haven't yet figured out who this person is and whether they even mean to be talking to you


awesome:
- im over half way done my placement
- the past two days of my placement have been at a new hospital and i love it - the atmosphere is so much more relaxing and it is kind of nice to not be sitting in front of a computer all day
- home made cinnamon sugar giant pretzels (my sister just made)
- there is a starsky's in hamilton!
- another friend (4th in 4 months) got engaged this week! im soo excited for her!

may 2-4 weekend

they always come to me at night, the thoughts, the ideas, the inspirations. i lay in bed before falling asleep and always have ideas of what to write about, how to say what i want to say and why to write a post about it but of course im in bed at this point and i dont get up and write these ideas down. i know i should... it is what good writers do. although i carry a notebook and pen with me in my purse they are often not with me next to my bed at night as i fall asleep. when i wake in the morning i head to work for the day and when i come back from work after 8 hours the ideas are often forgotten or lack creativity. this resulting in a long series of posts that can only be defined as picture diaries of my weekends. 
and again all i have to post if pictures from my weekend with some words..


friday: worked all day then went to terry's and made stuffed peppers.. they turned out pretty darn good
saturday/sunday: we went to visit some of terry's friends at a cottage they rented about an hour past toronto.. we laid by the water on the beach, ate, drank, tanned, read, talked and of course roasted marshmallows and made s'mores (pretty much one of my favourite things ever). *terry had my camera with no charger for the past few days and by the time we got to the cottage my camera had died - sad but true*
monday: my family and i went on a drive (like we often do on weekends) we drove to niagara on the lake  making a few stops along the way. we stopped at a park and later we stopped at a beach.. we got to niagara on the lake, walked along the water, went in a few stores, grabbed coffees and some cookie biscuits for guinness and back home for a later dinner. it was an absolutely beautiful weekend.

 guinness loved the beach

he loves the water but is afraid to actually swim

 he did a good job of fetching the stick though,

as long as it didn't require him to swim

 he stepped on my flip flop

niagara on the lake is a beautiful town

its perfect in almost every way

real world work

i've decided working 40 hours a week is brutal yet doable. i mean.. it is mentally and physically exhausting.. im up at 6:45 or 7am monday to friday, home from work by 5 and in bed by 10 because im so exhausted. i come home at night and i dont even understand why i am so tired. i literally sit at a desk all day (yes i have my own desk and computer - which is something im extremely proud about actually- but still!). physically i shouldn't be tired.. i only need to walk back and forth to the printer (if i even have to do that) and i wouldn't even call that physically exerting my body in any way. mentally draining?.. that makes sense.  i mean i'm learning new tasks and procedures each day.. its not too bad.. although the tasks are sometimes complicated.. i generally catch on fairly fast. im 3 weeks in to the 7 week placement and i feel its getting better every day. 
despite how exhausted i am at the end of the day.. i think i like the routine of working.. i like picking out an outfit to wear the night before and coming home at a reasonable time. i enjoy eating lunch with carolyn and amy (friends from school who got a placement at the same place) and wearing access/id card around the building. i also love coming home to an excited puppy and no homework.. i can relax when i get home, talk to my sisters or go out with terry or a friend. i can read and watch tv! 
the only thing im really disliking about this 7 weeks is that i'm not making any money. this means i need to work weekends at my other job to make some money and when i'm not given shifts on the weekend i start stressing because i am not making money. weekends are therefore less relaxing then i would like them to be. lets hope this placement leads to a job with descent money so i am not pressured to work weekends as well as 40 hours a week.
thats my update.

yes i wear sweater vests to work 

the garden rules..

absolutely beautiful.. the weekend, the weather, the flowers, the sky, the smell of chocolate cake, sun kissed cheeks and nature itself. i enjoy it all. my weekend was extremely relaxing and i love it.

terry brought me roses :)

hes pretty sweet

my weekend was random.. thats the way i like it..

friday: i worked all day, came home to take guinness on a walk then terry picked me up. we went to his house for burgers (i absolutely love hamburgers - something you should know!) and then we went to the james street art crawl.. he had never been. i'm pretty sure he enjoyed it :).. next month too terry?

saturday: i went mothers day shopping in oakville, went on a hike with a friend and also went to this bird aviary.. it actually wasn't open (its only open sundays 1-4) so we didn't get to see any parrots but we did see some interesting birds.. at night i went to see my friends band play at corktown.  

 this is called a silky chicken.. i thought it was cute.

the bird below.. i actually forget what it was called..

but it is beautiful.. look at its feather tail

there was also peacocks and roosters there. it was neat.

sunday: i went on a half hour run with my sister. i love running and i really should get back into it. we did well though..  later we took guinness to the dog park to run around a bit.. now we are making dinner for the absolutely perfect mother i have..  and with that

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to all mothers!

Guinness is 1!

Guinness is one year old today!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUINNESS 

i said stay so i he would pose with his presents for a picture.. i think stay was the hardest thing he had to do.. as soon as the camera flashed he went for that toy.
i took him to the dog park also.. he always has fun chasing the dogs that are smaller than him (hes about 30 pounds) and he runs and hides behind me if a larger dog starts to play.. hes a little suck. and strangely everyone thought he was a girl at the dog park (maybe because he pees like a female dog still lol)

yup.. this post is all about the pup.

you can see the road ahead in your dream

i start placement tomorrow! ahh! nervous and excited.
i still need to plan an appropriate outfit to wear. something business casual -  so sophisticated sounding. 
wish me luck!


heres the song that has been on repeat for the past hour in my room.. feel free to listen!?

the thought is not settling

i've done it. i've completed the human resources management graduate certificate program and i start my 7 week placement on monday. this sounds exciting right? sure it is, however completing the program and starting a placement brings me to a few changes in my life.. im excited, scared, stressed, relaxed, etc.. i could go on about the constantly altering and contradictory emotions im overwhelmed with about these changes but im choosing not to. 
basically, finishing this program means no more school for a long time.. after 20, almost 21 years of school, classes, homework, assignments, tests, and classmates im finished now with all of it. granted.. i do hope to complete an MBA eventually, meaning im not entirely done with school.. but for now, im saying im done! finished! complete! okay so other than being finished school, a change that is going to take me awhile to get used to, im also starting a placement in the human resources department at a hospital. 7 weeks of practical experience.. did i mention it was unpaid? 7 weeks of unpaid work, 8:30 am - 4:30 pm five days a week. yeah.. ahhhh.. not so sure im ready for that. first of all, unpaid sucks -im going to have to take as many weekend/night shifts at work as they will give me.. i do need some source of income!. second of all i've never had a full time job. i've worked 3 jobs in my life and they have consisted of a nursing home (4:30-7:45 shifts 2 or 3 times a week), a tennis club (which i worked 7:30-3:30 but it consisted of me sitting at a computer desk playing solitaire and greeting club members when they came in.. oh and it was maybe 3 times a week) and the current retail job i have (which is definitely not full time).. so yes this placement will be a real change. then there is the whole finding a real.. grown up job/career. after the placement is finished i need to start searching for jobs, sending in resumes and creating cover letters. all that grown up stuff i still feel too young to do. i know, im almost 25.. its not that young!
thats what happening in my life right now. 
im hoping this placement works out good :)
im off to go shopping with my mom and sister for the morning and then dinner in toronto with the boyfriend.
have a great weekend!
<3 

.. but we gamble with expectations

when people disappoint you, what is the reasoning for that? is it that your expectations of them are too high or is it that their actions are not at par with what the general population (society) would expect in that particular situation? have you ever wondered that? sometimes amazing and important people in my life disappoint me and im trying to figure out if i am to blame or them. i honestly hate being disappointed with people.. but on occasion it happens. if i can avoid it i want to. maybe my expectations are too high of them.. maybe i shouldn't expect you to take my favourite movie into consideration when determining what to watch. maybe i shouldn't expect you to remember i hate carrots and ribs. maybe i shouldn't expect you to hangout with me once in a while without your boyfriend "conveniently having failed plans" tagging along. maybe i shouldn't expect you to listen to my favourite band on car rides or tell me your "big news" first. maybe i shouldn't expect you to read the emotions on my face before you act. 
or its entirely possible that in these situations, these individuals are not living up to what is normal behaviour. maybe when it comes to movie selection you are stubborn and selfish and this is the reason you wont let my favourite movie be an option.. in that case.. give over it.. you win some you lose some.. i watch movies you like all the time! maybe you remember i hate carrots and ribs but are trying to prove a point that i should cook for myself.. do that some other way please! i was having an extremely bad day that day and there was nothing else in the house i could make.. maybe you need your boyfriend there at all times of the day because no one is as important as he is.. well i'll tell you what.. that attitude will make you loose many friends.. and maybe its normal to expect that you'd tell me certain information before you tell anyone else.. we have been through a lot together haven't we?.. oh and when it comes to reading my emotions.. if you know me at all.. you know my emotions are capitalized and bolded on my face.. if you care i'd say its reasonable i expect you to read the emotions written on my face and act in a way that coincides with what you read.. no?

"expecting is my favourite crime and disappointment

is always my punishment" - anonymous